


Tell Me a Story: Charlie Does Twilight

by ClassicClaire (ClaireVioletThorpe)



Series: Tell Me a Story [4]
Category: Charlie Bone Series | Children of the Red King - Jenny Nimmo
Genre: Comedy, Gen, Multiple Crossovers, Twilight books, Twilight movies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-06
Updated: 2012-11-06
Packaged: 2017-11-18 03:31:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/556416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClaireVioletThorpe/pseuds/ClassicClaire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Charlie, Billy, and Manfred deal with the Twilight fandom</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tell Me A Story: NEVER Let Manfred Read "Twilight"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Manfred catches Charlie and Billy reading "Twilight"

[ ](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Edward_Cullen.jpg)

Manfred Bloor was a bully and everyone knew it. He had been rickrolled and made to wear an embarrassing **Star Trek  **costume. But what he did next will blow your mind…

Olivia and Louise were fighting over _Twilight_. Or it was more like this…

  
**Olivia** : TEAM EDWARD!!!

  
**Louise** : TEAM JACOB!!!

Most of the girls in Bloor’s were taking sides. So far, Emma and Addie sided with Olivia while Dorcasand the twins sided with Louise. But there were the boys, who were feeling stupid because of one little line:

> _“Why can’t you be more like Edward? (Jacob)?”_

Manfred frowned; he didn’t particularly care anything about _Twilight_ at all. But the book fell into his hands when a girl carelessly left her copy in the theater cafeteria…

Charlie and Billy were searching for the book they had secretly stolen from a girl who made fun of Billy. Billy said, “If we don’t find that book, Mildred‘s gonna have our heads!”

“I thought she hated _Twilight_ ,” Charlie said, “so why would she care if we stole the book?”

“Do you want us to get in trouble with your aunt?” cried Billy. “When last I checked she’s a big fan of _Twilight_ as well.”

“Good point,” said Charlie. “Now let’s go find that book.”

Manfred frowned as he read the book. _How can such a nice guy like Edward Cullen exist_ he thought to himself. _And why do all the girls seem to like him? Am I really such a bully_? He knew he never should have touched that book in the first place, as he was beginning to feel inadequate and insecure about himself.

Just then, he heard knock at his office door. He frowned, knowing who it was. Charlie Bone and Billy Raven. The thorns in his side.

“Uh, Manfred?” Charlie asked.

“What?” Manfred snapped.

“Have you seen our book?” Charlie asked again.

“What book?” Manfred yelled.

“It’s black and it has a picture of two hands holding an apple on it,” said Billy.

“Like this one?” Manfred said as he held up **TWILIGHT** THE BOOK.

“Oh crap, we’re in big trouble,” Charlie and Billy muttered to each other.

“You know you’re in big trouble,” Manfred yelled. “And this time, I’m gonna…” but then he stopped. _This isn’t what Edward Cullen would do_ , _now would it_ Manfred thought to himself. _But the boys still need to be punished. But how shall I punish them now_?

He then said, “You boys * **like** * _Twilight_ , don’t you?” Charlie and Billy nodded nervously. “Well, I have a perfect little punishment for you two…”

Needless to say, everyone in Bloor’s was shocked to see a much nicer Manfred. But that didn’t mean he let Charlie and Billy escape from their punishment; he forced the poor boys to read _Twilight_ to  Ezekiel every night, and the old man laughed as the boys tried to make sense of the deadliest love story in the world.

Not to be outdone by Manfred, Asa walked into the school the next week wearing nothing but a pair of cut-off shorts. “Hi,” he said, “I’m Jacob Black. I turn into a wolf and I like to run around without my shirt on.”

30% of the entire female population at Bloor’s fainted upon seeing Asa.

And that is another story.


	2. Tell Me A Story: NEVER Let Manfred Watch "New Moon" the Movie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> in which Manfred is tricked by Charlie and Billy into watching "New Moon"

  
[ ](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:The_Twilight_Saga-_New_Moon_poster.JPG)

The Twilight Saga: New Moon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

After that rather disturbing incident, Charlie and Billy swore to get revenge on Manfred for humiliating them.

Unfortunately, it also happened to be the night when **New Moon** the  movie was being released in theaters.

Charlie frowned; he and Billy had been coerced into going to the movies with Maisie after cleverly dodging Grizelda’s attempts to make them go to the movies with her and her sisters. But now Charlie was in line with Billy and Maisie, and about 100 other girls and their mothers, all waiting to see **New Moon**.

 _I’m gonna make Manfred pay for this_ , Charlie thought to himself as Maisie brought their tickets and snacks and made them take their seats. Luckily, they were away from the Yewbeams, who were in the front row.

“Now what shall we do?” asked Billy.

“I say let’s give Manfred what he deserves,” said Charlie.

“Exactly!” said Billy.

Manfred had no idea that the boys had played a trick on him until he and Asa went to the theater and found themselves surrounded by scores of cheering girls and women.

“What is this crap?!” Manfred yelled.

“Uh, it looks like we’ve been tricked into seeing “ **New Moon** ” by Charlie and Billy,” said Asa.

“WHAT???” Manfred roared in anger. And it just happened to be the part where Edward was fighting Demetri in Volterra. “CHARLIE BONE & BILLY RAVEN, I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TRYING TO PULL, BUT YOU’RE GOING TO BE PAYING FOR THIS!!!”

“SHUT UP!” screamed an angry girl who just happened to be sitting behind him. “I’m trying to watch the movie!”

“Sorry,” said Asa. “It’s just that he got tricked into watching the movie.”

“Asa?” Manfred snapped. “We have some boys to punish!”

After the movie ended, the theater emptied out and Charlie and Billy were the last few people. So were Manfred and Asa. Manfred said to them, “So, you thought you could trick me into watching **New Moon**.”

“That’s for making us read _Twilight_ to your stupid old grandpa!” Charlie snapped in anger.

“So, Asa and I decided that you will be forced to read _New Moon_ to  Ezekiel as punishment for this trick,” said Manfred.

Let’s just say Charlie and Billy were not very happy with this arrangement.

Manfred and Asa were seen differently when everyone in Bloor‘s found out that they had seen **New Moon**. And Ezekiel was very happy to have the book read to him courtesy of Charlie and Billy.

And some wolves from La Push were not very happy with Asa and they vowed to teach him a lesson in mocking them.

And that is a different story.


	3. Tell Me A Story: NEVER Let Asa Mock the La Push Wolves!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Asa mocks the La Push Wolves and the wolves get revenge

  
[ ](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Wolf-pack-promo.jpg)

The werewolf pack in The Twilight Saga: Eclipse. From left to right: Paul, Embry, Jacob, Sam, Jared, Quil, and Leah. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

With a video of Asa mocking the La Push Wolves being leaked onto the internet, Jacob saw the video and he got angry. So did the other wolves. They resolved to teach Asa a lesson about mocking them.

Charlie and Billy’s video about them jumping off a bridge because they were inadequate compared to the vampires won first place in the Twilight film contest held on YouTube.

Anyway, Asa and Manfred laughed as they plotted to mock the wolves when Jacob and several others showed up. The room grew tense. Jacob said, ” I hear you like making fun of me.”

“Well,” said Asa, “you turn into a wolf and you like to run around without a shirt on.”

“That’s not good enough,” said Embry.

“You shouldn’t be mocking us,” said Quil.

“But seriously, guys,” said Asa. “You shouldn’t be running around without a shirt on. That’s not cool. Plus, being shirtless was so last year; this year, girls like guys who keep their shirts on…”

The wolves grew angry. Manfred said to Asa, “Well, don’t you think you’re getting ahead of yourself?”

Asa said, “I think they need to chillax…”

“We’re not gonna chillax, or whatever you rotten brats call it,” Embry snapped. “You’re mocking us and that’s mean.”

“And besides,” said Quil, “you can only turn into a beast at night. We can turn into wolves anytime.” And to prove his point, he became a wolf in front of everyone.

Billy and Charlie gasped and said, “Well, that’s it. We’re hanging out with them.”

“But why?” Asa cried out.

“Because they’re cooler than you,” said Charlie, “and besides, they can become wolves whenever they want.”

“And you can’t,” said Billy. You can only become a best at night.”

“And no more mocking us,” said Jacob. “Let’s go, boys.” And they walked out the door with Charlie and Billy following them.

Asa was humiliated and he didn’t leave his dorm for several days. Manfred had decided to ban ANYTHING having to do with the Wolves, only to back down when 30% of the students threatened to walk away from Bloor‘s and protest.

And Ezekiel cried because Charlie and Billy weren’t there to read him _Eclipse_.

And that is another story.


	4. Tell Me A Story: Charlie Faces The Volturi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Charlie and Billy deal with the Volturi

[ ](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Aro_and_caius_reduced_version.jpg)

The Volturi, from left to right: Alec, Marcus, Aro, Caius, and Jane, from The Twilight Saga: New Moon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We now find Charlie Bone and Billy Raven in La Push, Washington among the wolves. They had ditched Bloor‘s and joined the wolves. But the Cullens were just around the corner…

Carlisle had been in La Push when Sam‘s mate Emily went in to have her first child. He was on his way home when he noticed Charlie and Billy hanging out with Jacob.

Jacob had finished explaining why the wolves phase when Carlisle stood behind them. Jacob jumped up and said, “Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t know you were here!”

“That’s all right, Jacob,” said Carlisle. He looked at Charlie and Billy and said, “And why are these kids here?”

“I don’t know,” said Jacob. “They’ve been following me for a good while.”

“I see,” said Carlisle. To Charlie and Billy, he said, “I have one thing to ask you: who are you and why did you decided to follow this boy?”

Charlie said, “I’m Charlie Bone and this is Billy Raven. We decided to follow these guys when we found out that they can shapeshift at will.”

“And because their little friend decided to mock me,” said Jacob. “We wolves don’t like being mocked.”

“Very well then,” said Carlisle. “You don’t mind if I borrow them for a while, or do I?”

“Yeah,” said Jacob, “but don’t eat them. I’ll have to give them back eventually.”

“And by the way,” said Carlisle, “Emily had a girl. Tell your father he owes me $50.”

He then took Charlie and Billy back to his house, where Esme and the others were happy to see them. But someone didn’t like what they saw and so they ran off to the Volturi and told them what they saw.

Let’s just say Billy Black wasn’t very happy about having to pay Carlisle $50 for that bet.

Charlie and Billy were very happy to be living among the Cullens (and Wolves). They didn’t have to prank Manfred or put up with Ezekiel. Ezekiel had to make Olivia and Emma read him Breaking Dawn. Bloor’s seemed to be boring without Charlie and Billy.

But it all changed when Charlie stared at a picture of the Volturi one day. He heard Aro saying, _“Well, at least let’s go check this out. I do love to see my old friend Carlisle again.”_

_Caius said, “Hmmm, I hope they’re wrong. But I would love it if we could harness those boys’ powers and perhaps get them to join us.”_

_Marcus said, “I don’t care. I’ll never see my Didyme again.”_

_Caius said, “Marcus, do you have to be such a party pooper?”_

_“Really,” said Aro. “Be happy, Marcus! We’re seeing Carlisle again! Yay!”_

“CHARLIE!!!” Billy screamed. Charlie looked up and saw Billy. He said, “Charlie, I’ve been calling you for a few minutes now! What were you doing?”

“I don’t know,” said Charlie. “But I did see three men. One is gay, the other is a jerk, and the third is just iffy beyond all reasoning.”

“Charlie,” cried Billy, “you weren’t, you know, traveling?”

“What if I was?” cried Charlie.

“Oh no!” cried Billy. “What if they saw us? They might try to take us away!”

“Out of the frying pan and into the fire,” cried Charlie. “I can’t believe that we ran away from the Bloors only to be wanted by those three evil vampires! What shall we do now?”

“I have an idea!” cried Billy.

Some time later, the Volturi showed up at the Cullen’s front yard. Scores of angry vampires were with them. Carlisle came out and said, “Now why are you guys here?”

“Carlisle, old friend!” Aro cried out as he gave Carlisle a hug. Charlie and Billy rolled their eyes at the old vampire. “It is so good to see you again!”

“Why are you here, Aro?” Carlisle cried out.

“To see those boys who are hiding at your house,” said Caius.

“We’re just gonna take them off your hands if you don’t mind,” Marcus frowned.

Charlie laughed. “Like Billy and I are ever going to join you!” he yelled. “You’re a moody little baby, that blonde guy is a jerk, and your leader is gay!” Jacob and the Wolves laughed.

Aro gasped. “You’re such a mean little boy!” he cried. “Why are you so mean?” He then began crying.

“I hope you’re happy!” Caius snapped at Charlie. “You made Aro cry. And when Aro starts crying, I get mad. And when I get mad…people DIE!!!” He seemed to glow with fire. Charlie knew what was going to happen. He and Billy would be burned to a crisp.

Billy cried out, “Wait! Don’t hurt Charlie! I’m sure he didn’t mean to say those things!”

“I know what he said and you say them as well,” said Caius. “Take them away.”

At once, a set of twins came out. “Don’t worry,” said Jane as she snatched Billy. “I won’t hurt you…much.”

Alec said to Charlie, “We’ll be your friends, if you behave.”

“Now just a minute here!” Carlisle cried out. “Surely we can’t work something out?”

“They hurt my feelings,” said Aro, “and I won’t be letting that go. I’m taking them away in order to teach them a lesson.”

“Yeah, but there’s one thing you forgot,” Jacob cut in.

“Like WHAT???” the Volturi yelled out.

“You mess with Charlie Bone and Billy Raven, you mess with the Children of the Red King!” Olivia yelled in anger as she, Emma, Tancred, Lysander, and Gabriel stormed in. “You better let our friends go!”

“Oh, you know these guys?” said Caius.

“We go to school with them,” said Charlie.

“Easy enough,” said Aro. “GET THEM!!!”

Well, long story short, Charlie and all his friends were captured by the Volturi and were released only when Charlie apologized to Aro for hurting his feelings.

Aro said as the Volturi left, “I’ve got my eye on you, boy. You say something mean about me again and I’ll take you and all your friends and you won’t get out. Let’s leave, brothers.”

“I agree,” said Caius. “but we’re watching you.”

“I hope I never see the back of them,” Marcus frowned as he left.

Charlie said, “So what happened at Bloor’s while we were gone?”

“You’ll see,” Olivia said with a smile on her face.

When Charlie and Billy returned to Bloor’s, they were shocked to see a much nicer Manfred, even if Manfred himself wasn’t very happy. “We kept comparing him to Edward a lot and he got mad,” said Emma.

“Well,” said Billy. “We did meet Edward. And he’s very very nice at that.”

“I heard that, Boney!” yelled Manfred. And as punishment for going off with those Wolves, you’ll now be reading the _Vampire Diaries_ to Ezekiel.”

“Yay!” cheered Ezekiel.

“Oh no!” cried Billy and Charlie.

This story is now done.


End file.
